Archu From The Archive, Poems, Reviews

To Chetan Bhagat, after reading his ‘Half Girlfriend’

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Chetan! Chetan! Who are you?
Where are you headed, do you have a clue?
I bought your book and read it through,
Trust me dear, there is nothing new!

A horny hero and a pretty heroine,
A prestigious college, stereotypic routine!
The story line is an absolute miss,
Front page ad in TOI, for a book like this?

The back cover talks about Hindi and English,
All that is just plain marketing rubbish.
This book breaks no language differences,
Hasn’t even escaped Bhagat’s prejudiced preferences.

I loved you once when you wrote good fun.
Best of all, ‘Five Point Someone’.
Since then you are stooping to your lowest low,
Half Girlfriend, your final blow?

Same story twice, can be an honest mistake.
But three and four times? Give me a break!
Name your leads and share your location,
I can write your next story to Bhagat’s perfection.

“Simple English is my style”,
Says Chetan Bhagat all the time.
I am happy with that, totally fine.
But excuse me mister, where is the storyline?

Your sexist one-liners are witty no more,
Don’t you remember, you’ve told them before?
You say you write for the rich to the slums,
Don’t demean their IQs, don’t underestimate them.

You are an author who could have been!
You’ve let it go for the silver screen.
Are you trying to increase you reader hood?
Or simply selling out to Bollywood?

There have been authors just like you,
Who’ve written good books and screenplays too.
But you’ve got too carried away and lost the act,
Quoting your Alma Mater to hide that fact.

Chetan O’ Chetan, Where are you?
I am not an elitist, I used to really like you.
Give us simple but also different and new.
Slow your star-chase and get real dude!

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