There were two other moments in my life when I felt the same way I am feeling now. My first day at college and my first day at Infosys! Moving from class twelve, seniormost in school to first year, juniormost in college was one. Moving from final year, seniormost in college to Infosys as a fresher was another. Both those times, I felt humbled, nervous and tiny after being what I had assumed ‘mighty’. After those experiences, I took my maturity for granted that I was confident of not feeling puny again, confident until this day as I am sitting in a new office and a new atmosphere when I feel different. I know what I need to know but still I feel like I know nothing. I feel lost once again!
iNautix Technologies India Pvt. Ltd. That’s how my ID reads. As I was waiting in the reception, my mind was running through some random numerical calculations. Infosys 7 letters, iNautix, 7 letters (yup, Archana is also 7 letters :)). Both begin with ‘i’ (except for the difference in case). I joined Infosys on 29th, August, 2005. I joined iNautix on 29th, January, 2007. Two 29s again. So what, I ask myself. Strangely co-incidental, I tell myself. Does it mean I am taking the right link towards my destiny or am I simply repeating history? Should I consider taking advice from a numerologist to make 7 my lucky number? Crap, I cut myself. Before I could continue to compare and ponder in this line, I was received in and taken into the work area.
I have got used to the grandour of IT companies and their infrastructure that the clean carpeted floor, elegantly lit ceiling or the multi-beverage vending machine doesn’t fascinate me as it once did, though I have to admit that it was brilliant. I am used to hearing technical jargons in and out of the converstaion that I don’t feel like an iliterate either. I mean, this has been my world for nearly a year and a half and its back again in a slightly different but equally good setup. But still, why do I feel different?
When I signed my joining papers at iNautix, I couldn’t help thinking about my first day at Infosys when I was nervous to put down so many signatures into documents which then seemed too legal to the ‘scared’ me. Atleast then I had the company of 17 other fresh joinees along with me. I miss mInly and Mangalore for sure, no doubt, especially my friends out there. Yet, I find people here open and friendly as well to include me into their lunch group my very first day. It does remind me of the ‘Coffee Culture‘ that we used to once share. As much as I look behind, I am equally glad to look ahead for this is again a new road and a fresh start which seems very promising. But still, why do I feel different?
Similar happenings kind of make me look behind and long for the past just the way family-songs in movies make amensia patients recover all too suddenly. Maybe, coming out of my comfort zone is a little inconvenient until the new zone becomes my comfort. Or simply maybe, I am just spoiled with one month of rest at home that I’ve got all too lazy. All the same, its high time I wake up, shake up and stand up. There are so many things, new things to be explored and enjoyed. A new dimenion to diversify my skills, new scope to shine, new friends to find and new life to live. After my last post on suicide and apologies for worrying my friends, after all the sense of support that I was assured, I once again feel motivated to make a start…a new page again…new posts to write!