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Meaningless Mad Mumblings

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I am under that spell again, the one that makes sure that everything we do goes exactly opposite to the intended direction. Why spread its fangs on my blog too? Why make my refuge known so I cannot go there and hide again? Is that why I was absent from my blog for a while? Maybe yes. But then, how long can I refrain from doing things that I want to, fearing it to go wrong? It’s spell-breaking time. I’ve done it before, I can do it now.

I might make it sound like I am on the edge of a huge precipice, ready to trip into an abyss at a single footstep. That’s because I am good at exaggerating. Trimming that out, it’s nothing but a chain of everyday inconveniences that frustrates me to the edge of a precipice. What shall I say? We make a call for a doctor’s appointment but the phone is not reachable. We finally get the line, make an appointment but the traffic blocks our way. We manage to huddle through the traffic and reach the doctor’s clinic ten minutes late and the clinic is closed. By then the ailment for which we wanted to get treated in the first place starts acting out painfully. Such inconveniences, suicidal no but suffering yes. None of these happened really but exaggeration needs examples. What is happening is somewhere between the exaggeration and the example.

When I wake up these days, I am unable to give myself a good morning smile. I don’t blame my orthodontic braces. They are just superficial. I’m talking about the ‘from-the-bottom-of-the-heart-happy’ smile. I don’t wake up with a gloomy face or tear-filled eyes either. Not that I am suppressing emotions, there really isn’t any need for that. What else then? I just wake up like waking up after futile attempts at going to sleep. Sleepless nights precisely. Why? Thoughts.

Thoughts! Oh my God! (I use God only as an expression of speech). Like a schizophrenic hearing voices inside his or her head, I keep thinking things all the time. So many things around me, happening, not happening, sometimes the way it should, sometimes the way it shouldn’t, sometimes the way it should and I don’t want it to or the way it shouldn’t and I still want it to, sometimes needing immediate action, sometimes wanting total inaction. Such sometimes happen many times causing infinite threads of thoughts running in parallel. Not exactly parallel either. Perpendicular. Criss-crossed. Tangential. Tangled. Basically confusing, confounding and compounding. Why take time to think?

The problem is not about taking time to think but not having time that I can take to think. Before one issue gets addressed, the second one joins its predecessor adding to the agony of celebrating the third’s birthday while the fourth just begins to take shape. I find my mind sometimes get heated like the processor when the coolant fan doesn’t function properly. Auricle of my heart says ‘Go baby go!’ while the ventricle calls for a shut down. What started as an itch had become a rash, eager to leave a scar if only I would allow it. So far, I hadn’t allowed and more far I wouldn’t deny.

As if to give company to the thoughts, memories from the past spring to the surface as more thoughts or shallow dreams to remind me exactly of things that I’ve vowed myself to do. Things that the current situation isn’t helping any better, making the self-aggression even stronger. Totally clueless proceedings tend to trigger philosophical insights like ‘Who was I?’, ‘Who am I?’, ‘Who will I be?’, and ‘Who do I want to be?’ and then my quest for answers kicks of another bunch of tangled thoughts messing up the grey matter, white matter and other colourful substances of the brain.

Take a deep breath. Relax. Chill out. Watch a movie. I did. I watched ‘Kung Fu Panda II’ where the Panda masters inner peace and throws the fire-balls left right and centre. If only I could be that Panda throwing away those crowded mumblings inside my head entirely out of my human system, will I be able to attain peace. If not total peace, at least peace enough for a restful, thoughtless, dreamless quiet sleep. Are there Pandas around?

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20 thoughts on “Meaningless Mad Mumblings

  1. For the very first time i was totally confused, confounded and compounded after reading your blog 🙂

    Every human will pass thru this phase in life… Hopefully it ll make us wiser and stronger!!!

    Who was I?’, ‘Who am I?’, ‘Who will I be?’, and ‘Who do I want to be?’ – Same Blood 🙂

  2. Personally i had these questions in my mind before. Let me share my findings for this question Sometimes i found answers in books and sometimes i found some answers in some great person words. For example . I read a small story book called “The Present”. which helped me to think about living in the present. Then A.R Rahman once told about OSHO Words “Switch on the Knowledge only when Required”. Other times use your heart.”Because heart does magic” it can bring happiness, joy ,love , laughter. Example when i am walking when i am overwhelmed and i think too many things i say to myself to not use my mind and count my foot steps like 1,2,3,4 and back to 1,2,3,4. So my mind is made to think something else. And a small break is given for the mind. This is not a new technique. This we can learn from our old people who use a small chain and count each one for each sloga.Clear mind can solve 100s of problems easily.Music also has the power of doing the magic. Anyway these are ways i tried to solve mine. You will have something of your own. Trust me. You will me have solutions for this also. Once you found let us know even we would like to hear 🙂 . Anyways check this also if it helps

    OSHO,
    I feel life is very boring. What should I do?

    http://www.oshoworld.com/osho_talk/talks/ahthis02.asp

  3. There are so many people in this world who are looking for our help with our education, money, knowledge,kindness. And You are also the one who is blessed with the writing ability to inspire the people to help this world to be peaceful. Just a Reminder for you 🙂

  4. One thing you must never lose is courage…
    If you believe in the goal you are striving for,
    you will be courageous…
    There are many difficult times ahead…
    But you must keep your sense of humor…
    Work through the tough situations…
    And enjoy yourself…

    Ithuvum Kadanthu Poogum…

    Cheer up… 🙂

  5. Thats what happens when you start worrying too much about Akhil’s future 😉 Take a chill pill, eat chigen and attend Fund’s wedding…everything will be alright 😀

    Jokes apart, I am unable to picture you without your signature smile…so remind yourself who you are, ditch whatever it is that makes you someone you don’t want to be and go back to the real you.

    Take care…
    Gaba

  6. @Panda: The day I go back to sleeping blissfully, that Panda would wake up 🙂

    @HBK: When wasn’t you not confused or confounded? 🙂 But yeah true, experiences brings wisdom (though I wonder how its gonna work for you :P) Same blood? Same pinch! 🙂

    @Lakshmipathy: That was a nice tip. What will I do if I end up counting the number of seconds from dusk to dawn? hee hee…I get your point, quite good. Will try and see if that works for me. My writing would help a peaceful world??? OMG! OMG! OMG! Thats the highest flattery ever 🙂 But again, I understand…thanks for the reminder…a hidden motivation 🙂

    @Anonymous: Yeah…but everyone needs sometime to unwind, to take a deep breath and to gather ourselves to resume living through the tough and light situations in life. I’m not sad, just tired maybe…thanks a lot for those uplifting words…Ithuvum kadanthu poogatumendru kaathirukirain 🙂

    @Gaba: Worrying too much about Akhil’s future??? Absolutely no…he is too naughty and indirectly smart. I’m confident that he’ll make a bright future for himself 🙂 Attending Fundu’s wedding! Oh right! Fundu is getting married!!!!!! Is that why my head is spinning like this? hee hee 🙂 Don’t worry Gaba…I’m not changing…don’t intend to change either…just need some hybernation time to do a mind overhauling and get going fresh and new 🙂

  7. You have a lucky option to “Pen it down..”. I am sure this is helping you. Many people are searching for a plain thing (peace? 🙂 in watching movies, tv, workouts…what not!!!

  8. @Anonymous: I don’t know about the “lucky” part but yeah, penning it down does help. Watching movies and TV for peace hunt? I’m sure they are doing the wrong strategy there 😀

  9. @Anonymous: sure…thanks! karpanai kuthirai (in this case ‘Panda’ :)) fulla muzhuchita udaney, ezhuthida vendiyathu daan 🙂

  10. Hmmm. Muzhukrathulaa ennapa full, Half nu mudiyalaa… Miles to go b4 u thoongi Panda :)) Lookin forward for the interesting stories….. 😉

  11. Feeling very peaceful while reading your Meaningless Mad Mumblings… keep on writing.. it makes others to feel good… R u a Doctor using so many medical terms?

  12. @Kiruthiga: Its an irony that my Meaningless Mad Mumblings makes u feel very peaceful 🙂 Am I really using that many medical terms…well, I’ll watch out the next time around 🙂

  13. ya really its irony… y dont u share ur thoughts in magazines or journals like FROZEN THOUGHTS… coz it will reach many ppl around us…

  14. @Kiruthiga: FROZEN THOUGHTS…hmmm…I think someone else suggested me about it too, sometime ago. I had thought about it, forgot and let it get frozen. Your comment just reminds me to de-freeze and do something about it…thanks for the reminder 🙂

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